Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

15:53 RT @benedictwong: wow. RT @BrokeHipster Free shipping on Amazon for all students for ONE YEAR! Good on all Amazon products #bloodystudents #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

00:02 tweetphoto.com/32523541 you know I can't live without my radio taken with my froyo upgraded G1 camera phone #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

00:36 RT @Cell_Ph_Cash: Cyanogen squeezes Android 2.2 Froyo into G1, MyTouch 3G - engadget tinyurl.com/24wa2rl /and it runs great on my G1 #

01:04 RT @themanwhofell: I look forward to the protests in the streets of London against the bombings in Uganda /what clever point are you making? #

01:11 Over 1 million march in Barcelona 2010 Catalan autonomy protest en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2010_Catalan_autonomy_protest #

23:27 Pam Ayres Pam Ayres Pam Ayres Pam Ayres Pam Ayres Respamay Respamay Maya Presa Maya Presa Pam Resya Map Yesar Map Yesar Pam Ay res Pam Ayres #

23:30 I'll leave you with a telephone pulled from its socket and a dangling coil waving impotently by your side. #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

01:27 Sure the Dutch were a bit rough. But they were nothing compared to The Butcher of Flanders. #

01:32 The Butcher of Flanders or why the Dutch subconciously wanted to give the Spanish a kicking bit.ly/c3HcY6 #

12:43 Android releases an app creator to allow any non-programmer to create their own bespoke apps for their phone gu.com/p/2tayq/tw #

16:52 'I'm just off for a quick Polanski', said the actor to the bishop. #

20:30 Work done, falafel eaten, time to download and flash @cyanogen CM6 Froyo for G1 #android #

20:43 I don't know how anyone can stand to watch television with the ghastly facetime and mandelson ads running concurrently. #

21:00 well done Despatches c4 exposing homophobic society and laws in Africa #

21:06 Worst German punk band ever on channel 5 xXx Bang Bang Fire Fire #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

01:05 I'd go and see Laura Marling's latest collaborative gig but not under an itunes membership only banner. When are the independent shows? #

01:06 Itunes festival. Kiss my snotty ryvita arse. #

01:08 Booze and idiotic boozed up pride caused havoc tonight. I had to take sides as my honorable friend was being slighted but now I'm tangled up #

01:10 Oh holy moly pudding and not a dry eye. Clasp my teeth and comb my bosom. Deliver the payload and empty the froth bin. Xenon in excelsis. #

08:02 I ate no dinner last night. Or at least I don't recall doing so. I'm digesting a liquid evening with guilty "what did I say?" after effects. #

08:13 Plate drop smash nice. Glass drop smash yeah. Tv boot smash mmm. #

22:56 Just go camping or don't go camping. Why would anyone give a withering fuck what some nauseating squirts from the guardian think about it? #

23:45 Goodnight. My latest ailment is an infected gum on my lower left wisdom tooth. It is very painful and is making me ratty. #

23:51 I think I'll unfollow all Simons apart from Mayo. He is the best Simon on twitter. Pegg is pants. #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

00:40 RT @Lisaansell: David Milibland has a creepy head. I think it is robotic. TB and Gordon Brown are fighting over the controls somewhere. #

00:43 I love minge too, but watch out for the hairs. #

00:45 Hannah with two Hs One at either end. #

00:48 I'm building my ipod back up gigabyte by gigabyte. It is allowing me to integrate the brain with the music. Oh yes siree, I am doing it such #

00:53 Castration Murder Supositories by Blood Sucking Freaks. It is on a CD called Endangered Feces II. An album compiled by alt.music.ween usenet #

01:08 @hotforwords that reminds me, it's about time my coquette... fnar fnar ;-) #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

13:36 Mumfords and Marling wave goodbye to India - Meanwhile thousands of guardian readers wave goodbye to their stomach contents. #

16:17 We don't have to OWN affordable housing. Why can't there be legislation so that we can pay affordable rents? A much more achievable justice. #

16:19 Which would lead to lower house prices as landlords couldn't raise the money for their daft high mortgages from their struggling tenants. #

16:23 Crimson theft. The story of a woman who loved too much and a man whose luck was about to run out. Crimson theft. When lipstick cuts silk... #

16:24 ...nobody is safe... Crimson theft. What is this fim about again? I dunno. It's not a Tim Burton. No Johnny Depp in sight. Crimson theft... #

16:27 Crimson theft. The battle for Galaga had only just begun. She rode bareback wearing only pink pajamas. He held the whole world in his hands. #

16:36 Chocolate Rain. When the bowels of the Earth open, you'll wish you'd brought your umbrella. Chocolate Rain. Prepare to lose your sweet tooth #

16:58 @bongobeardy Thanks, I must have missed out on the original chocolate rain. I'm not up with these things. #

17:04 At last I have found you my precious. But I cannot let you know this, lest you banish me again. Such is the pain of being an admirer. #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

21:59 Just watched the match and ate a great steak in the N19 pub in Sussex Way. #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

18:51 RT @paulocoelho: Be a notebook and allow God to be the pen /my twitter feed is not quite there yet, but then God does act in mysterious ways #

19:06 RT @paulocoelho: Be and iPod and connect to iGod to upload His words / I'm to connect to God via an apple? Surely not? Didn't Eve try this? #

19:18 Come on Holland. Sort those bloody cheats out! #worldcup #

21:10 @th0ughtbubbles thanks for the follow, I like your style #ff #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

00:26 @deekdeekster I think witty one liners are fine. But they are so fleeting and the best comedy can be much richer and more memorable. #

00:28 @deekdeekster but I'm tired and my sister's miserable and so I'm not thinking or receiving straight. Monday morning and service job awaits. #

12:52 @deekdeekster banter is fun - agreed :) #

12:54 @themanwhofell ah so you're the bloke who had that website with all the little squares in it from years back, I remember. #

13:37 The Guardian | Private speculation rather than public profligacy is real villain of Labour years bit.ly/bkoLPg /I completely agree #

22:14 I'm not that intent on being into it all. However I will linger, loiter and long for an impossible bird of paradise to paint me a message. #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

03:16 Watching a noisy feedback heavy band last night was pretty dumb as I seem to be suffering some form of tinnitus in my left ear. Stupid me. #

14:31 RT @koernputer: Lord know's what they're on about... twitpic.com/22dffw #

16:55 @deekdeekster Very true. The apostrophe misuser works in a bookshop and was attempting to write a novel not long ago. Tut tut. #

21:30 To mark the fourth of July I watched Tropic Thunder, #

21:33 @bongobear dy I bet CB radio enthusiasts were more caring and human, the voice is warmer that the text #

21:36 It's time to crack my knuckles and type into the empty horror of silence. #

21:39 Young guns silent armour, wade deep in green slime, a croaking lizard and a roaring tiger and all that is wild and unknown in the dark night #

21:41 One of the more afraid soldiers mutters, we're dog meat pal. He asks his elder for reassurance - What's your pedigree chum? #

21:44 You know I could have been a glass blower but I was always afraid I would have sucked. #

21:46 Twitter is shit for comedy, little 140 letter wank laughs, cheap thrills and nowt more. #

21:48 My sister, oh my sister, she suffers so. She does. What can I do? I don't know. Oh sister my sister please be happy with what is. It is it. #

21:51 A nice brown stinky shit, nothing wrong with that. Some dogs like to eat shit, it can't be all bad. I remember this one dog in France.... #

21:52 Right, I need to release some warm yellow liquid. #

23:36 I've favourited a YouTube video -- RSA Animate - Crises of Capitalism youtu.be/qOP2V_np2c0?a #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

13:02 @Neurosceptic you great big ranting show-off! I enjoyed it. #

13:05 Early this morning I was woken to a man shouting "Fuck you nigger lovers" as he wandered down the street outside. We're all asleep u coward! #

13:08 So what's it going to be, Argies or Krauts? Argies or Krauts? Fritz or Evita? #worldcup #

13:11 Shit, I could have my account blocked for that. Oh well, so be it. #

14:15 @Whatdusay Great, I'm being Outed as using racial remarks when I was repo rting a racist event in my street. Very clever Twitter Bot NOT! #

22:45 Just saw Screaming Tea Party play at Scar Studios by Camden Lock. Amazingly great three piece noise punk psych band mysp.ac/9Kuddv #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

01:02 I wrote something more but the tweet was lost in the terrible t mobile connection. I'm quitting t-mob, bye bye sort it out losers #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

05:30 Woken again by left ear buzzing. It was doing it all day yesterday so it is getting worse. Lucky me. #

15:10 @benedictwong that essay was good, but not sure he wasn't just splicing an interesting talk about thinking & reading into a military context #

Today's impossibly brilliant instalment of Garlic Toothpaste

05:15 I've been woken by the sound of my ear buzzing and crackling. This is pissing me right off! #

20:16 @jonronson Ronnie Jonson? You once took a cab with my old large breasted housemate when I lived in Glasgow. Those Irn Bru days are over now #

20:22 Jeffrey Lewis is overrated in Indie circles. Luckily the rest of us can quite happily consider him "alright I suppose" without losing face. #

21:53 Reunited on BBC1. It's not exactly This Life is it? #shittv. #wastingoxygenandtime #

22:06 I'm not looking for ward to the soggy biscuit round #mocktheweek #

22:52 @jonronson She was a posh English artist based in Glasgow. But don't recall what city this happened in. People sharing taxis = nice gesture #

22:55 @jonronson Then again I was a bit spangled in the mid 90s so it could all have been a vivid dream. Her bras were impressive though. Sigh... #

22:59 Wandering Kelvingrove Park once I met a woman musician. She was working as session artist on someone's LP. We sat & smoked grass. Strangers. #

23:01 Wandering Kelvingrove Park once I met a man carrying an Irn Bru bottle He saw me carrying mine and gave me the nod. Brothers in life support #

23:04 Kelvingrove Park on the one hot summers day. We had picnics mainly consisting of booze. Rivers of beerbottles cascaded down the grassy bank #

23:15 I can frame these memories of a place up the train line. West coast journey. A whole other existence. Perhaps a fantasy. A drop of elixir. #

23:21 I was made into a video. I smiled and smiled and smiled. But truly I was and am clinging onto a brain that has abilities but a stumped will. #